Cannot Tahan

Hats off to people who can leave their skin blemishes alone. It's not like I've never tried, I have. But each and everytime I'd end up failing miserably succumbing to the temptation. The latest battle has left me making a mental note to try extremely hard the next time coz the result's pretty grim :P

See, I spotted this foreign being on the bulb of my nose one afternoon. I told myself, the whitehead's so small that it's not even noticeable and will clear up in due course. And the fact that I was running late meant it was momentarily spared. Later during the day, there finally came a time when we were alone. The bright glaring lights, the mirrors, and... the intruder. Little voice was chanting leave it..and I very consciously pictured the expected aftermath if I were to proceed. Stared at the top, focus, must focus, changed and stared mindlessly at the next top. How I wish I had a needle then, a sharp one.

I don't know what happened but when I came to I was shearing my skin with my blunt nails, knowing very well it will not reach the precise weak point. But I couldn't stop. I changed angles, I saw and felt blood, I evaluated the damage and I continued. As the site looked increasingly raw, I managed to yank my fingers away. The bloody whitehead was not the slightest bit unsettled and yes it was bloody- from the surrounding skin. Then there was this strong urge of getting my hands on a needle. Surely after all this, I should at least finish what I intended in the first place?

Yup I dumped the tops, headed home, and drained it to much relief. And then stared at what I had done. I knew I had an annoying obsession but I never thought the compulsion was that strong. If I knew, I could have just poked it before I left the house and ended up with a point-sized blemish compared to the huge raw wound that's obvious from 100 miles away now and hell knows when it'll heal or if it ever will!!!! The thing is, the bloody thing is not even noticeable to start off with unless someone scrutinises my face which would be impossible because why would any sane person want to do that? But then again, I knew of its existence and what are the chances of me not doing anything? Record so far 0% :( Ignorance is bliss...Yarrggghhh...

Fell asleep on the sofa cursing myself for lack of self control when suddenly a sharp pain jolted me. My mom was hovering over me poking my nose.
"Something's on your nose"
OK. Surely that can't be the first thing she noticed on arriving home from work. But there she was, bag on the floor, newspapers in the other hand, trying to 'brush away' the 'thing'. Then later on, there was the father who plonked down in front of the TV, turned towards me and completely forgot what he was going to say and instead asked
"Are you having a nose bleed?"
"Huh? No. You know I've never had a nose bleed. And I think I would know if I'm having one?"
"Is that not blood on your nose?"
"=.=' I scratched myself"
"Whoah, your nails must be very long"

Why? Why? And this was AFTER I've consoled myself that it really wouldn't look as bad to others as it does to myself. Why? WHY???!!! And in this season when I actually have to leave the house and try not to scare people? How la to admit it was self inflicted?!!!?? Now must come up with some kick-ass story to cover up. Seems scratching is not good enough yeeesh...

Sigh, maybe I should be banned from looking at mirrors. Or maybe I should be wearing mittens during my waking hours.