I can't get it out of my head. Those bluish-gray eyes looking at mine pleading for help. The ravaged body doubled up in pain. The grimace on her face trying to accept the onslaught.
Gone is the smile that would greet me no matter how bad life has messed her up. Gone is the low pitched voice that she would muster no matter how tired she was. Gone is the fine barrier between tolerable and torture.
And all I could do was watch. The other pair of eyes were set on me. If I felt helpless, how then must he have felt being there almost 24/7? I then realised he was not the pushy guy like the ignorant lot of us though he was. He had to do what he has been doing all along because that was all he could do. Not because he wanted to but he had to. And all I could do was watch. Those eyes pierced right through me.
That day was supposed to be special for me but it turned out to be a stressful one. That was until I saw her that evening. If I could have one wish that day, it would be for her to be comfortable in her remaining days. I heard the last minute phonecall I made that night managed to turn things around. For now. I hope enough to bring a smile back to her face. Now that I'm on leave, I know I won't ever see her again. Not phycically. The mental image will remain vivid though. The smile, the voice, the writhing body, the bluish-gray eyes.
Tuesday, 28 October 2008
Wednesday, 22 October 2008
I'll Breathe (if there's fresh air >.<)
I'm not a control freak. Honestly! Neither am I a perfectionist. Ok maybe in some rare circumstances I am. But why is it that when I let go and leave things to others, something somewhere goes wrong? Or the task has not been completed up to my standards?
OK note to self. Breathe. BREATHE. I certainly can't take on too much and must learn to let go. So let it be. Chill. CHILL.
BREATHE. BREATHE. Yargghhh !!!
OK note to self. Breathe. BREATHE. I certainly can't take on too much and must learn to let go. So let it be. Chill. CHILL.
BREATHE. BREATHE. Yargghhh !!!
Sunday, 5 October 2008
Something To Smile About
These were drawn in the dark by a 4-year old who was feeling particularly rebellious on a certain night when she was actually supposed to be in bed and they will have me grinning from ear to ear for days to come...
The first thing that struck me was the unmistakable artistic flair. This is so classic! Our genetic predisposition to abstract art is so obvious here ;)
Then there's my name. Now, this is the first of many versions that I have ever seen it spelled and I think it's cute ;) Afterall my name is not an easy one, with adults getting it wrong most of the time anyways. So I am loving Ukira, especially since it's a creation of the adorable Maxine's ingenuity :) I could imagine her sitting there trying to figure it out especially after me giving her a spelling task earlier in the day in an effort to con my way out of playing chess with her.
"Teach me how to play chess"
"Yeah later k?"
"Later after when?"
"After I finish eating"
"Let's play chess. It's 9 o'clock already. Just now you said later after 9"
"I didn't say after 9. I said later... after infinity to be exact"
"When is infinity?"
"Aha! I'll play now itself if you can guess"
At this juncture she was obviously very puzzled, and so I made it easier...
"OR if you can spell infinity"
And she got it after some thought, trials and warning of last chance hehe. But she has yet to figure out what infinity means. If she did, she wouldn't be drawing me pictures way past her bedtime, would she? Hahahaha... The thing is I still owe her a chess game! I weasled my way out of it and convinced her into playing a "suitable for 4-year old-kid" board game instead hehe... Haiyo, imagine teaching a beginner to play when I myself haven't played in almost 15 years? I'm not surprised if the kid who was baffled when I said Mickey Mouse and friends live in the US and therefore do not speak Chinese when she was watching the dubbed version (despite not understanding Chinese herself, aiyo this budak ah), will be the one insisting to teach me chess in a few years down the road ;)
She's also left me wondering about signing off with a rocket on her drawing. Well, I assume it's a rocket which means that her political affiliation has developed seriously extremely prematurely early man. OR it's actually not a rocket but a candle? I don't know, but I have a feeling this girl is trying to send apolitical me a message involving a certain party. A rocket in the dark?!!?? LOL!
The first thing that struck me was the unmistakable artistic flair. This is so classic! Our genetic predisposition to abstract art is so obvious here ;)
Then there's my name. Now, this is the first of many versions that I have ever seen it spelled and I think it's cute ;) Afterall my name is not an easy one, with adults getting it wrong most of the time anyways. So I am loving Ukira, especially since it's a creation of the adorable Maxine's ingenuity :) I could imagine her sitting there trying to figure it out especially after me giving her a spelling task earlier in the day in an effort to con my way out of playing chess with her.
"Teach me how to play chess"
"Yeah later k?"
"Later after when?"
"After I finish eating"
"Let's play chess. It's 9 o'clock already. Just now you said later after 9"
"I didn't say after 9. I said later... after infinity to be exact"
"When is infinity?"
"Aha! I'll play now itself if you can guess"
At this juncture she was obviously very puzzled, and so I made it easier...
"OR if you can spell infinity"
And she got it after some thought, trials and warning of last chance hehe. But she has yet to figure out what infinity means. If she did, she wouldn't be drawing me pictures way past her bedtime, would she? Hahahaha... The thing is I still owe her a chess game! I weasled my way out of it and convinced her into playing a "suitable for 4-year old-kid" board game instead hehe... Haiyo, imagine teaching a beginner to play when I myself haven't played in almost 15 years? I'm not surprised if the kid who was baffled when I said Mickey Mouse and friends live in the US and therefore do not speak Chinese when she was watching the dubbed version (despite not understanding Chinese herself, aiyo this budak ah), will be the one insisting to teach me chess in a few years down the road ;)
She's also left me wondering about signing off with a rocket on her drawing. Well, I assume it's a rocket which means that her political affiliation has developed seriously extremely prematurely early man. OR it's actually not a rocket but a candle? I don't know, but I have a feeling this girl is trying to send apolitical me a message involving a certain party. A rocket in the dark?!!?? LOL!
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